Iggy and the Bag.

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So there was this one thing I wanted to tell you about my new-ish cat, Iggy. We got Iggy as a rescue cat from a local shelter a few months ago. His name was Lewie, but we decided that name was not very exciting and changed it to Iggy after a funny story I heard about a comedian and his misadventures with a bunch of Russian mobsters. One mobster was named Igor.

I found out very quickly that Iggy is an astonishingly stupid cat.  Not the kind of, “oh, that animal isn’t smart” variety of stupid.  This was a level of stupidity that I had not seen in an animal before.

For example, let’s take the simple act of training the cat to stay off the sofa…

Iggy on the Couch

Iggy, get off the couch

Staring

Iggy, get off the couch

Blink

Get of the GD Couch

Frrrrp.

Spray Bottle

Wet Iggy Staring

Wet Iggy Blink

Why are you so stupid

Wet Iggy Frrrrp.

And so on it went. Iggy kept finding new ways to impress me with his stupidity.

Iggy + Bowl

Iggy Kills Water

Why no more waters

or, one of my personal favorites…

Runs into wall

One day, I came home with some groceries. I set the bags on the floor and I started putting the cold items in the fridge. Iggy was fascinated by this development and started hovering near me.

I finished putting the milk in the fridge and I turned around to see this staring up at me from the floor.

Iggy in the bag

I thought it was really cute that Iggy had nestled himself into the bag. I picked up the cat-bag combo to show Wife, who was seated on the couch.

Cat+Bag Combo

This act was a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE.

Picking Iggy up while in the bag did several things simultaneously.

  1. It proved to Iggy that the bag possessed the magical power of levitation.
  2. It showed Iggy that the bag was a force of unseen power and was probably linked to many unsolved mysteries of the universe.
  3. Since he couldn’t move easily while being lifted in the bag, there was also a good chance that the bag was immobilizing him as a precursory part of its feeding process.

All of these things made Iggy very unhappy, very quickly. It became clear that to me that Iggy did not want to be in the bag so I gently placed him on the ground. Iggy immediately sprinted away from the bag. There was one small catch though; one of the bag loops became wrapped around his little kitty waist. No matter how fast Iggy ran, the bag pursued him just as hard. As you can imagine, this produced one single emotional reaction in Iggy: sheer, undiluted terror.

The bag pursues

Iggy was running so fast throughout the house that I had no hope of catching him. All I could do was watch in horror as my cat sprinted through the house at a speed only pure adrenaline could provide.

This went on for a solid minute or two until Iggy decided that fleeing wasn’t working so he tried to hide. Iggy threw himself under the couch in a last ditch effort to escape.

I eventually had to move the couch and unhook the bag from my poor, tired and scared-to-death little cat. Iggy then ran off to hide and recover from his ordeal. I went back to unloading the remainder of the groceries.

I put the eggs in the fridge and reached down to put away the carrots when my hand touched something warm and furry in the bag.

I no Learn Good

Stupid cat.

THE END.

P.S. Iggy was completely unharmed in this incident so don’t call PETA you wackos.

P.P.S. Iggy has since ruined my carpet, destroyed my TV and nearly killed himself trying to remove his collar. What this cat lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in sheer resilience & luck; I have to give him that.

109 thoughts on “Iggy and the Bag.”

  1. Very funny. You know, as there is a range of intelligence with humans, so too with animals. My dog can be super smart and intuitive in some respects (and I swear he mind-melds with me), but then really really stupid in others. Go figure.

    Though terrorizing, the bag was probably the most fun the cat had since you got it. And I think Iggy wasn’t being stupid with the couch. I think Iggy was just seeing how far you would go. Apparently, not far enough. 😉

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  3. we don’t have cats anymore, but I learned you should never tie a string with a helium balloon at the the end of it to a kitten no matter how cute it is. it does not end well for the cat or the balloon

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  4. Since I’m well on my way to becoming a classic crazy cat lady, let me share some wisdom, k? First mistake – “train the cat”. Poor naive man. Cats are not trainees, they are trainers. As evidenced by your last panel in the series, after your attempts to “train” him, Iggy remained wet, flatulent and comfortable on the couch, yes? You’ve been trained to pay attention to him when he reclines on furniture. When he kicks over his water dish, you are now trained to mop up the water and get him a fresh bowl. You’re also now trained not to pick him up when he’s playing in a plastic bag. See how that works? You’re in the presence of feline genius.

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      • I was given a book called “A cat to train its human,” it very quickly removed any illusions I had of owning a cat.
        However, I have learned from the cat, I learnt to spread out like a cat, I learnt so well the cat gets displaced.
        I’ve learnt to give a gentle nudge when he wants to see how long I’ll wait for him to walk through a door.
        His training backfired on me!

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  8. This had me laughing especially the cartoons LOL I have a stupid dog who wants to play catch with a stick but refuses to give the stick back after the first throw, she also steals shoes and sleeps with them -_-

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  11. I’m not sure what’s worse, a smart cat or a dumb cat. My cats are trained not to get on the kitchen counters, and they never do when we are *in* the kitchen. Yesterday I gave them a new treat I picked up, freeze dried salmon, and after I gave them each a piece I put the tupperware in a high cabinet, on a high shelf, way behind a bunch of other stuff. 30 minutes later I hear some weird noise in the kitchen and go in to find that one of our cats had managed to get it out of the cabinet and was currently trying to open it on the kitchen floor. I swear, they are like velocirapters.

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  12. I LOVE cats and your cat seems to be very intelligent! You’ve got you first lesson ‘men do not disturb me in my couching’ soon you will learn awesome things like open the door at the right time or bying better food……

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  13. OMG Same thing happened to my cat! She managed to herself through one of the loops in the grocery bag and freaked out, running up and down the hall with this grocery bag around her middle section, ears back, eyes as big as saucers! It wish I had a video camera! It was hilarious!
    Your cartoons are the best!!!

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  14. Pets are like retarded little children. You love them to death, they never get bigger, and they sure as hell never get smarter. Iggy sounds just like my house rabbit. My spouse and I have 2 rabbits. The buck is mine and the doe is the rescue. The doe is smart as can be, has figured out how to work the latch on the gate, knows the exact movements to make to avoid being spotted as she jettisons down the hallway, and will also alert us when there isn’t enough food or she doesn’t like the crappy food we put out for her.

    My buck though… He wasn’t a rescue. I’ve had him since he was 10 weeks old… He thinks that chewing causes food to appear in his mouth. He would starve to death if not for our other rabbit because I’ll be damned before I become a responsible pet owner. My buck was also terrified of leafy greens for the first two years of his life. He thought that he had to kill it to ensure that the leafy greens wouldn’t jump up and kill him.

    Then there was the balloon. Instead of trying to have sex with it like a normal rabbit, my buck saw the string and was super happy to play with it. When he tugged on it, this enormous air beast jumped at him, so he grabbed the string and ran away from this horrible monster only to find that it was following him. This lasted for over an hour. It ceased being funny. We just kind of felt bad for him. He is still that stupid though. I know your pain. It never gets better. Iggy likely started life stupid just like my bunny and he’s going to leave the world just as stupid.

    Stay stong, comrade.

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    • This is a quote that should go down in history: “Pets are like retarded little children.” I’m not sure, though, that I would want a retarded little child as a pet … Just sayin’ …

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  15. Loved the story! My older kitten loves plastic bags and playing with them, in them and on them. I picked her up in one expecting the reaction you got and she happily rode around in it like it was her royal carriage. My better half put the loops around her legs, I think expecting a similar freak out to what you described but instead she wore it around as though it were the cape she was always meant to have. They never ever act or react the way you expect or want lol

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  18. Ex boyfriend and I got 2 rescue kittens. We thought they were as stupid as Iggy until, when I was away, they tag teamed and brought a mole in, and left it on the dining table. Ex boyfriend was outraged at their criminal masterminds – I was secretly very impressed.

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  20. At first I was thinking the cat was obstinate and just did not want to get off the couch. But when Iggy went back in the bag it may well have sealed the cats lack of brains.

    Or perhaps your cat has no short term memory like the guy in the movie memento. Me thinks bigger things may be going on here. NIce post

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  22. Pingback: Cats… | itsarobot

  30. Haha this was hilarious! I too have an adorably unintelligent cat. He also has no reaction to spray bottles or water in general. Very funny and definitely made me laugh!

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  32. Haha! Cats are full-blown entertainment. One of my friends who owns a cat called Nebro has an album he calls “Nebro’s derp moments”. Cats are especially awesome when they forget to cat.

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  36. Oh Iggy….I’d love to meet that cat!
    —
    You are HILARIOUS.
    Humorous people like you blogging = happy readers like me.
    Equally amazing illustrations = laughing readers like me.
    now where’s the follow button…ah….there it is….hello mr/mrs/miss follow….nice to meet you…
    🙂

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  39. Watch out, while cats can pretend to be so stupid you want to hide your head under a pillow, they can also be extremely cunning and scary if given the right opportunity. My cat, for example, is completely crazy. Point to case however, Iggy may just be stupid out of his mind.

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  40. I think all these comments prove something. Cats will be cats. And yet somehow we manage to love them.
    Mine’s a total psycho, and while engaging in activities very much like Iggy’s, I don’t for a minute think he’s stupid…he knows what the hell’s up. He just KNOWS.

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  50. haha a very entertaining read, i actually laughed out loud! my cat’s the same, she thinks it’s a great idea to get into every bag, box, container, then get’s really indignant when you pick her up in them and proceeds the scrabble onto your head to avoid the box!

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  53. My husband and I just cried laughing reading this and we aren’t even cat owners. HILARIOUS. Great post and artwork. Thanks for sharing!!

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  54. His first response to “get off the goddamn couch!” just about killed me. Just a thought, but there might be a connection between all that fwapping headfirst into walls and his stupidity.

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  60. Talk about doing something stupid..?? I (your future follower) had the “smarts” to read this post while eating my pasta dinner at my desk. Now I have to clean my computer screen… DuH..!!! (I’ll wait a while before I have my wine) Still giggling… LoL 🙂

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  61. I got a new kitten in June, and he’s about as dumb as Iggy. If you stand behind him, he wants to see you, but he’s not smart enough to turn around, so he just hangs his head back and then waves his upside down-head from side to side to try to see you. Then he gets dizzy and falls over. He’s pretty adorable though!

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  66. That was just so flippin hilarious! Great story and drawings. It reminded me of my cat that I had to give away. She never really fought or got stuck or scared from bags, but she would get cozy and take naps in them quite often. Thank you for the wonderful belly laugh and fond reminder of my dear cat.

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  70. Oh. My. Gosh. That is so hilarious! I don’t think I’ve ever had an animal that “intelligence challenged”. Thanks for sharing! xD

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  75. Haha 😀 This made me chuckle. Our oldest cat had the same experience with getting caught on a plastic bag. She was so terrified, she wet herself 😦 Must admit, she did learn, though…

    Congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed!

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  76. Aww! If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that cats crawl into absolutely everything they could possibly crawl into. No matter how stupid it may be.

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  77. This was hilarious! The 9th image of Iggy sitting on the couch with his face drenched in water is my favourite. At that point I just couldn’t hold it in any more and started laughing out loud at my desk like a lunatic. Great work! 🙂

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  78. Haha this is hilarious. the bag. I think i’ve seen my dog do that from time to time with one of his toys that would get caught on his collar. He’d think something or someone is playing with him so he’ll chase it around in circles and end up wobbling all dizzy

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  84. This is so brilliantly funny, I am holding my tummy I’m laughing so hard! I love your cartoon of Iggy running into the wall – FWAP! What an awesomely stupid cat, and I bet you wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂 Thanks for the fantastic post 🙂

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  85. I had a cat that had the same terrifying incident, but instead of hiding, he raced outside with the bag chasing him. The poor thing ran and ran until the bag somehow slipped of him. After that, even moving a plastic bag inside sent him hiding. The poor little guy was traumatized for life. I loved your cartoons :).

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  86. Cat has always amazed me in ways I can’t imagine. My cat, a fat black long-haired cat named Cemoy, puzzles me every time. He drools like a dog, often tries to eat my hair, and has an unfathomable desire to drink massage oil. I often think of what his little brain is thinking during his act (on which I imagine just an empty space with the sound of wind blowing). If my cat is stupid then I’m in love with stupidity.

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  92. Best thing I’ve ever read! Love the illustrations!!
    We had a similar incident that involved a plastic fishing pole cat toy instead.

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  93. OMG! I haven’t laughed while reading in quite a while. Nice writing my friend…I could picture all of it and the drawings were a nice extra. My cat has done the bag thing quite a few times. Stark is also pretty duh. He keeps pushing over his water dish and then wondering why its empty. The worst part is that its one of those that you can fill with a lot of water that should last a few days…yea…lots of water all over my carpet. Anyways…very funny read!

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  95. I loved this tale and the illustrations. Made me laugh recalling some funny experiences with my cats..

    My second comment.. Iggy was meant to belong to you. How fortunate that he isn’t mine. :/

    PS I love cats and have had several..

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  99. Pingback: True Life: Cat Problems | lxs__

  100. Hahaha yeah…. good luck with that one. No cat will stay off the sofa! I’m sure he does the rest just to annoy you :p
    Strangely most cat’s I’ve come across are intelligent, the phrase ‘dumb dog’ always comes up though!

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