I should have put this up a long time ago, but the Freshly Pressed event really prompted me to think about this again… so here are my comment guidelines.
- Please leave a comment. I really want to hear from you guys!
- Don’t leave spam. Nobody wants to see you peddle your wares here.
- Don’t be a troll. Nobody likes your negativity. Go back to your cave and die so you don’t pollute the rest of society with your horrible attitude. The world can suck enough on its own without you helping it along.
- You can leave a link back to your blog/ book/ website. I promote sharing thoughts and ideas. That’s what being a nerd is all about, right? All I ask is that you at least leave a comment, otherwise it just looks like a shameless and selfish plug or spam.
- I made all of this stuff here so if you share it, don’t claim it as your own
- I try to respond to every single comment, but sometimes it can be a little much. Don’t be sad if I didn’t write back. I still love you.
Okay, so here’s the fun part (for me, at least.) By commenting on my blog you allow me to have creative license with your comment. All this means is that I just post your comment the way it is and everybody’s happy. If you break the above guidelines and/or piss me off, I’ll take your comment, line through it, and then rephrase it into something that’s hilarious and insulting. Here’s an example:
massmaster on November 19, 2011 at 11:27 pm said: Edit
make free money!
http://www.cashcrate.com/2424785
What I meant to say was, “I have absolutely no shame and I would sell my own mother if it would benefit me. Furthermore, I think that everyone looking at this is too stupid to understand the basic principles of economics and that they should believe in the magical existence of free money. For the love of God, click my link.”
-
Wow, you’re really hard on yourself.
Live, Nerd, Repeat 
Haha awwe man, I wish I had thought of this first! Love the comment revisions. Definitely subscribe 🙂
Well, welcome aboard! I’m glad you like the revision idea, but I’m certainly not the first guy to come up with it. I’ve seen it before, but I can’t remember the name of the site. By all means, go ahead and use it if you would like. 😛
I was originally going to post “I approve!”
I then realized that might seem as if I was so conceited that you needed MY approval.
That being said, I approve!
Ha ha! Don’t worry, I’m not that touchy about comments. 😉
Your link has been wordpresserized
I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds good. 🙂
I don’t really have what to comment about, but I couldn’t resist your “Please leave a comment,” so here you are.
I hope you enjoy this comment.
I will cherish it always Mr. Spire… always. 🙂
hahaha I love rewriting spam too! (not half as well though)
And sadly, I still haven’t figured out how to do a strike through.
The spam filters do a pretty good job most of the time.
But I would remove the link, or blank it out or replace it with something silly instead.
By leaving the link you probably enable some kind of search engine stat thingie (I don’t actually know how it works, I just know thats why the bots like to post links to feed their vampire-host website).
So even though you have responded hilariously (which he can’t read anyway), he has technically won. (I like to imagine there’s a matrix style prize in binary for the most successful spam bot)
x
Good points, but I invite spam. It’s easy for me to spot because it always says how helpful or informative my post was. My posts are complete insanity so spam sticks out like a sore thumb.
I look at it as humor fodder. I might even make a spam post one day… 😉
Wow you can be really hard on spammers !
Keep up the good work and let the humor flow !
And you’re posts ARE helpful. No this isn’t spam.
Sure they’re not help if I have to do an assignment on Quantum Physics or if I’m baking a cake. But they definitely lighten the mood and bring a smile to the face 🙂
Do visit my blog ( the link is there below ). You’d like it if you’re a fan of Nirvana. Maybe even if you’re not.
Cheers,
Happy New Year !
http://sultansofstrings.wordpress.com
Glad you like the blog. 🙂
I am a Nirvana fan so I must visit.
Hello, I like the comment revision idea too. Can I leave a shameless egotistical link back to my own blog? It’s relevant, as it’s my take on the lovely spammers you refer to. I find them a great source of fodder for sarcastic rantings.
http://fwords.co.uk/2012/01/05/you-hit-the-nail-upon-the-top-more-ludicrous-compliments-insults-idiocy-from-half-wit-spammers/
No worries, Sue. They are an endless source of entertainment aren’t they? 🙂
newbie here…but i must say your site is so unique…imagine, i am laughing my ass off but i was teary at the same time…..lol…thumbs up!!!
I’m glad you like it edwinliza1. Don’t be a stranger. 🙂
sure of that i won’t…
Hilarious blog. I can’t believe I didn’t find this sooner. Good luck with your move. Looking forward to new content.
Check back this weekend and have a happy St. Patty’s day! 🙂
Will do!! Have a good one!
😀
Ok how about a comment bestowing awards upon my most favorite of underwhelmers? Yes? I’ve nominated you for The Very Inspiring Blogger (inspiring me to laugh my ass off) and the Versatile Blogger awards. You are rad. 🙂
It’s under my post “It’s a Major Award” if you’d like to see your mention.
Huzzah!
I agree. Now I should go fix my comments before my spam explodes! 🙂 Wish me luck!
😀
I like the blog. It is really cool and original. And funny. Definitely a follower now. Check out my blog. There isn’t much yet, since I am pretty new, but hopefully you like what I write.
Will do 🙂
that is a perfectly marvellous comment policy. you are a very funny human.
Tell your people that some humans are awesome and not deserving of extermination 😀
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! Just joking! I saw the chance and I took it. (Said the massive whovian.)
Love the idea of this policy! And I love your blog! Seriously, awesome 🙂
Anytime.
I can hear my brothers voice emanating from your blog, how refreshing that I get to tap into his humor. You are delightful and quite entertaining, the kind of blog people like to visit for a dose of laughs to get through this otherwise controversial world. Thanks for the comedic inspiration!
Absolutely the most horrifying and insulting comment guidelines I’ve ever seen
*Eagerly awaiting some funny moderation :D*