Bumper Stickers

*Ok so this first part has nothing to do with bumper stickers.

I haven’t posted in a while, but it’s been for a good reason.

I’ve been in training for my new job and it’s been pretty intense. Despite having no medical background, I now am somehow advising physicians on cardiology products and procedures.

Scary right?

Anyway, I’ve been studying really hard to make sure I don’t have a hand in accidentally killing your Nana.

At this point, I’d like to note that my restoration magic skill isn’t very high.

Destruction magic is more my forte’. You can see how I don’t want this scenario playing out to its conclusion.

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

*Alright, this is the part where I talk about bumper stickers.

For those that don’t know, I’ve spent the past three years living in Germany. Now, I’m back in the US and I’m trying to get used to our crazy little culture all over again.

One thing that I’ve forgotten about Americans is that we’re under the impression that other people really want to know what we think… all the time.

I often find myself surrounded by the unsolicited opinions of others.

I think this tendency to share is best expressed in the bumper sticker concept.

Think about it. When someone attaches a bumper sticker to their car they’re saying, “Everyone who is blown by the winds of fate and winds up stuck behind my car NEEDS to see this. This makes me happy.”

Bumper stickers are seldom seen outside of the US, so I’ve decided to put together a handy sampling of bumper sticker translations for my fellow countrymen & women.

Here’s what your bumper stickers are really saying, enjoy.


P.S. Bumper stickers are now available in the Underwhelmer Store.

P.P.S. If you clicked the link above, then you found that there were no bumper stickers in the store, only sadness… lonely, infinite sadness.

49 thoughts on “Bumper Stickers

  1. Hehehehe. The Granddogs one is so on-point. Now underwhelmer, you may need to up your destruction magic-you are going to need it for all the backlash this will generate

  2. Dude – you need less training. The less you know, the less guilt you’ll have. I thought you already knew that…

    Also, it is making you awfully pessimistic. Bumper stickers are great! I love them. How else will I identify my enemies?

    (By the way, your store is awesome.)

  3. This post is so f*****g hilarious. I literally just burst out laughing. Thanks, its been a rubbish day and I really needed this.

  4. The only bumper-stickers I’ve been even mildly tempted to purchase and place on the car are of the zombie hunting permit and Umbrella Corp variety. But, recognizing that the helping the zombie trope to proliferate in a society filled with chemically lobotomized denizens was far too depressing, I decided against it.

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  6. Pingback: DOJ-Funded Training Manual Lists Bumper Stickers as Terrorism | THE JEENYUS CORNER « The Jeenyus Corner

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