Step 1: Don’t Panic.
Douglas Adams listed this first for a reason. This is perhaps the most important step and it will certainly set the tone for the rest of your close encounter. The last thing you want to do is represent the entire human race by being a scared-to-death little idiot.
It is vitally important that you do not contort your face in terror and/or flee from the aliens no matter how horrifying they may be. They could be very sensitive about their nightmarish, be-tentacled appearance and consider your actions a grave insult or an act of war. They might also think that humanity is a bunch of wimps that are fit for nothing but extermination. You don’t want the results of that on your conscience…
… so grab whatever iota of composure you have and get ready to be Earth’s shining ambassador to the stars.
Step 2: Take stock of the situation.
You need to ask yourself some important questions. Where are we? What am I doing right now? How does this look to the aliens? Have I been probed yet? Why not? Is it because I’m ugly? Looking at all the written works on alien encounters, you’re most likely to make extraterrestrial contact when you’re alone in the middle of a cornfield at night. The aliens have likely chosen this location because of its seclusion. The same could be said for you, but we won’t go into what you’re doing in the middle of a cornfield at 3 a.m. you sad, lonely person.
The aliens are trying one of two things. They’re either cautiously examining Earth from a neutral/benevolent standpoint or they’re infiltrating it for future conquest. So put that sheep down (you’ve done enough to it already) and try to determine what type of alien you have in front of you. The appearance of the alien will tell you a lot about its motives.
If it looks like a little dude in a jumpsuit with a big head, then you’re probably OK.
If it looks like H. R. Giger came up with it, you have a few seconds to live. Make them count.
So… right now we’ll assume that some alien isn’t ramming its ovipositor down your throat and laying its eggs in your chest. This takes us to our next step.
Step 3: Communicate.
In the historical documentary, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Mr. Spielberg shows us that aliens can solve inter-species communication issues with music. The scientists were able to “talk” to the aliens with an elaborate musical device that sounded similar to a rooster having sex with a frog in front of a megaphone. You can use music too. Now remember, you’re representing the entire human race so don’t skimp out on the quality. The aliens won’t really be impressed by your harmonica or your ability to belch the alphabet.
Instead pull out that iPhone and wow your guests with an enduring ballad of the ages. Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing is an acceptable song. If you do not have it, play Night Ranger’s Sister Christian instead. If you do not have either of these songs, contact me so I can send you alien appropriate music. Remember that radio waves can take quite a while to travel the cosmos, so it’s likely that our space friends are well into the power ballads of the 80s and have no idea who this Rihanna person is.
It won’t be long before you and your interstellar guests become fast friends.
Step 4: Take Us to Your Leader.
Your friends will inevitably ask to see “your leader.” There are two ways to go about this. You could take the aliens to UN headquarters so they can watch all of our leaders bicker and argue over whether or not the aliens in front of them actually exist. This display will most likely lead to the extermination of the entire human race. Option two is to tell your alien friends, “I’m in charge. What do you guys want to talk about?”
If you play your cards right, you could be made Earth’s ambassador to their home planet and perhaps the entire Galactic Council.
If you screw this up though, you’ll anger a lot of aliens. This will only open yourself up to lots and lots of probing.
In closing, I just wanted to say, “Good luck, we’re all counting on you.”
P.S. I’m a big Supernatural fan. I had to work that probing clip in somehow.
P.P.S. Probing is still not a laughing matter.
This is so funny! But also a little eerie. How did you know what I do late at night in the corn fields?
I love the idea of wondering why they’re not probing you. Not good enough for probing, am I?
Glad you like it. If I wasn’t probed, I’d be a little disappointed too. It might hurt my self-esteem a bit.
Me too, but more importantly, you got Freshly Pressed!!!!!! Congratulations! That’s so exciting! I knew you were awesome.
Thanks a lot. This is crazy. I’m not used to this kind of traffic. 🙂
I’m also getting the eeriest feeling that the 7×7 award is some sort of clairvoyant harbinger…
Wow. That’s really odd. Oh well, I won’t question it.
Maybe it’s just you? You just, like, link to the folk who choose what will be Freshly Pressed?
Hmm, I’ve always wanted a bit more traffic …. *hint hint* Ha ha! 😀
I believe that is just a side effect of the probing. <_<
wow I never thought of NOT being probed that way. I love the story very funny.
It’s definitely a way to get a seat at the cool kid table, but you might not be able to sit down for a while… 😦
awesome post visit my blog too allobuzzlatest.wordpress.com i am 13 and hope i get freshly pressed too
Please tell me your middle initial is T.
I’ve always wanted it to be, but luckily my middle name is still awesome: Kirk, after Captain Kirk. Like, actually. My parents made it in the newspaper when my mom was pregnant with me at a Trek convention. I’ve been thinking about getting it changes to Tiberius, though, cause then I’d still be named after Kirk, but the whole Rusty Nickel thing would work out.
“I’m sorry. I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
– Captain Kirk
Haha, that would be fantastic!
You are sooo right.
If you really want to see something eerie check out the http://firstname.lastname@example.org
So funny! The last clip was well worth waiting for…and man, those were some tall shots Mr. Probeworthy was having. He did represent Earth well as a slow dancing ambassador though. I wouldn’t have been such a good sport….Taller shots please!
That show really doesn’t feature much humor, but when it does it’s spot on. Glad you liked it. 🙂
Very, very funny! Thanks for the laughs!
Thanks. I do what I can. 🙂
So which European country is the craft in earth orbit obliterating? Inquisitive minds (well…at least one) want to know!
I think it’s Germany or perhaps even Poland, Hungary or the Czech Republic. It’s hard to say.
I’m leaning towards Monaco but that’s just me.
“a rooster having sex with a frog in front of a megaphone” is just good old fashion sound description… would you recommend going for a fist-bump on the first encounter or is that playing it too cool?
Hmm, it’s hard to say. If the aliens were wearing boardshorts and/or refered to you as, “brohan,” you might be well served in utilizing the fist-bump.
I loved this post and don’t know how I missed it in my reader. Thank god I found it before I ran into any aliens.
You had me rolling with this one!
This guide is an indispensable one, that’s for sure. 🙂
Glad you liked it.
Yea it was funny, i like to believe there’s humor somewhere in everything,, but just like you would never want anyone to joke if you were raped or assaulted, or treated in a prejudiscial fashion,, The reality is
I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but were you abducted in the middle of that last sentence? 😉
conclusion to beginning statement,,————–:)
That there is also allot of comfort in making fun of things we dont want to address. In the icon i use there is a photo of a face looking out of the weeds only 25 to 30 ft from our jeep,,, It was watching us at around 5 in the evening, not 3 in three in the morning. We have a blog at word press as well check it out some time ,,http://themidnightobserver.wordpress.com our archives are full of evidence that this is a real phenomena. ,,,
How hilarious. A great guide post. 🙂
I’ll try to communicate using Chariots of Fire by Vangelis.
Excellent. Europe’s The Final Countdown is also acceptable.
I hope this guide serves you well. 🙂
Haha! Final Countdown. Hey, congrats on being Freshly Pressed. I have a feeling you got it when I received 200+ emails. 🙂
Thanks. I think I’m going to start getting hate mail from g-mail soon. Although they won’t be able to email it to me. I smell a conundrum.
Hey nice post 🙂 do drop by my blog sometime. thanks
you are amazing and I will take every bit of your advice to heart if I ever see a little green man.
Journey music? Check.
i should be good to go!
The Scorpions are also a good pick. I’ve got Europe’s Final Countdown on standby just in case. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Very funny. “Is it because I’m ugly?”… 🙂
I’d be a little upset. You sign up for the full experience; good, bad or… otherwise. If I didn’t get the full treatment, I’d feel a little cheated. 😛
You, me, freshly pressed? We shall soon rule the Internet. It has been foretold!
Witty as always. They probably just saw me as one of your cult followers and felt pity. 😛
Congrats to you too, very well deserved.
I stand humbly in your Microsoft Paint shadow.
I had no idea that people liked bad drawings so much. It’s kind of shocking. 🙂
I am sure I will be able to use everyone of your tips in my job search! Whew, found you just in time!
Good luck with that. I think this might help you land a position at SETI. Thanks for dropping in. 🙂
Don’t Panic is a good first rule in most situations both domestic and abroad. Gotta love a good guide reference. Also I disagree, probing is always a laughing matter – unless you are being probed, or you’re watching FIre in the Sky…
I hope Douglas Adams would be proud. Glad you liked it. 🙂
So much to love about this post — going to have to go with the Journey recommendation as my favorite — or maybe the stumpy feet — or maybe the “eyes are the window to the soul”
Great stuff — I’ll be back!
I’ll be here, just as nerdy as ever. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Hahah love your creativity! And the artwork is very beautiful. Congrats on being FP!
And to think, my high school guidance counselor said I wouldn’t go anywhere except an insane asylum. 😛
I was just thinking about “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” the other day and wondering if I should attempt to re-read the 6 part Trilogy. Well done and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Well, whatever you decide to do, be sure to bring a towel. Safe travels. 🙂
I’m glad you like it. Don’t be a stranger.
lol! nice read.
Glad you liked it. 🙂
All I know is that if I was in orbit around some extraterrestrial species’ planet, I’d do some research on the species before I tried to interact with them. I hope that aliens would do the same in an analogous situation.
Also, if you end up in a rural alien abduction type situation, pray that it isn’t their president or emperor doing the probing.
Oh, yeah… their leader type would be extra thorough. Ouch. 😦
Your post reached Brazil buddy!
Thank God. It’s a country that’s high on the alien “must visit” list. The aliens will likely go there for all the beautiful people, great food and, of course, Carnival!
THE BEST BLOG IN WORDPRESS! SAY PEACE FOR ALIENS!
Aw, you shouldn’t have. 🙂 Thanks for accolade.
Long ago I decided we didn’t have to worry about this because aliens have decided to take a “pass” on us; but I am going to keep these tips in mind incase I’m wrong!
We’re probably known as the planet that keeps blowing itself up. I wouldn’t want to visit, unless it was to check out rock music and alcohol. 🙂
I THINK THAT ALIENS EXIST!
Don’t say that too loudly. Earth isn’t ready for them yet. 🙂
Ou…Sorry \ =
But they exist.
Careful, you’ve got an audience 😉
My thoughts exactly. 😛
Very, very funny! I love it! Keep writing, I’ll keep reading.
That will work out then because I can’t stop writing… I’ve tried. I joined a group, got into the 12 step program, but I keep coming back to my dark master; the inter-webs.
NOW YOU TELL ME! Thanks for the great advice, but last month when my husband met one of those types he did all the wrong things, and we haven’t seen him since. But there are weird beeping sounds coming from the garage door opener which are undiagnosable! Can you help?
I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. You need to learn Morse Code as soon as possible. Listen to the beeps. It’s most likely your husband trying to tell you to pick him up because he’s stuck at a star port near the Horse Head Nebula and he’s out of space bucks.
THEY COME 2012!!!
Who’s to say they haven’t been here already?
GO NOW, SPREAD THE WORD!!!!111!!11!!
Jajajajaja…. that 2012 idea just sounds great, still I agree with you, how come maybe they already came, and maybe they are living with us and we have not noticed them… quite right the analogy jejejeje
true, a planet war can be dangerous..i will keep that in mind.
a sad lonely person in the cornfield/ yr future-representative-of-mankind
Do your best to avoid intergalactic war if you can. I’d get out of the cornfield if you can. In the wide spectrum of things that happen in cornfields, alien abduction is on the positive side.
This is such a laugh! I wish it had been available when I was in my teens and obsessed with aliens. How about encounters with the Other Side? Here is a genuine one of mine – a bit of a challenge, let me tell you, to the rational sceptic I still consider myself to be despite this scary experience…..
Good luck with the handbook which is a MUST as a follow-on from this post.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! I gotta see this :} Catch you in a little while.
Wow, spooky stuff. I think I’ll take a break from expanding the guide, but what to write about? Perhaps a post on the other side is in order. 😛
Thank you for that very comprehensive guide to human-alien interpersonal relationships. All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close…encounter. 😉
Awesome allusion to Sunset Boulevard. I re-watched recently and I’m still impressed by it after all these years. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂
Clever! . . . Appreciate the chuckles!!
Thanks. It’s what I do. You’ve got a good blog there. My mom grew up in Dubai and I’ve spent some time in that area of the world (unfortunately not as a traveler) and I think the western half of the world could do with a lot more education on the subject. Thanks again. 😛
Do aliens probe Ginger minds? Because if they don’t, then I suppose I’m safe…except, probing could very well be an enlightening experience…
Well, you could always sit out in the middle of a cornfield at 3 a.m. Something is bound to happen. It might not be an alien abduction, but something will happen eventually. 🙂
i can’t help but wonder, from your caution of cornfields,
what happened between you and them?
someone who commented above,
just in case you can’t keep track (;
I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it. 😦
I thought we had a great time and they never called me back! 😡
so sorry to hear that..
i’m sure you’ll find someone like them.
This is weird, but strangely impressive. You have now confirmed my belief in life on other planets, especially green marshians with black eyes and an odd liking in AC/DC.
If the aliens like AC/DC, then I want to get to know them. Thanks for dropping in and I’m glad that I could help you entertain the idea of the little green guys out there. 😛
Excellent instruction! I will try it tonight
Good luck, and Godspeed my friend.
Great story! I would be a little grateful to not be probed. Lol Nice plug for iPhone, they should pay you for that. Keep the humor coming.
Thanks. If I somehow crack the code on how to get Apple to give me money, I’ll let everybody else know I did it!
OMG–hilarious! Love the illustrations, too!
I’m glad you liked it. MS Paint + Spare Time + Alcohol = Funny Drawings. 😛
“i’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.” – bill hicks. he’s got quite a lot of material on this topic. perfectly hysterical. thanks.
I must find this Bill Hicks you speak of and challenge him to single combat, so that I may defeat him and gain his power.
Glad you liked the post. 😛
oh yeah – and keep flying your nerd flag(s) proudly. it makes me happy.
We built this city on Rock and Roll… and nerd power, lots and lots of nerd power. 🙂
What do you think they will do after I play them some Zappa? I need to know….soon…..
There’s only one way to find out! Good luck!
Great stuff but don’t count on me for the correct music. I tend to have Tom Waits and things like Who’se on first on my player. Love the posting and will try my best to obey all the other rules.
Tom Waits might scare them off with his gravelly voice, but then again, Journey might shatter glass. I think you’ll be okay. Best of luck, cheers!
They are coming soon. Some people don`t know that yet, but I am pretty sure they exist and are observing us far away!!! lol Be careful man, you might be the first they grab on!!! hihi
They wouldn’t want me. They might think that they do, but they don’t. I’d drink all of their space-liquor and there would be space-bucks missing from the dresser.
Funny post … One other suggestion for close encounters is to avoid them while walking the dog. The whole carrying-the-poop-in-a-bag thing renders confusion as to which species is in charge (an old Seinfeld routine).
Aw, I forgot about that Seinfeld stand-up! That would have been a great plug. I need to e-mail you my drafts next time. Thanks for reading. 🙂
Have I been probed yet? Why not? Is it because I’m ugly?
LMAO you know some people will hate that line of thinking.
HAVE. I meant to say HAVE not HATE grrrr
My laptop must hate me.
Well… it works with both ways, oddly enough. I think I’m in your camp of thinking though. 🙂
Hold the probing, please. He can have mine 🙂
I was thinking Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon…
Do you think they understand Ditz, ’cause I went blond and…. I’d hate to misrepresent us on account of that.
Of course, I could always misrepresent us for some Other reason…
Loved your post. I can always use a good chuckle.
I imagine they would be Pink Floyd supporters. Some of it sounds like space music anyway. I just gave myself an idea… DAVID BOWIE’S SPACE ODDITY!!! Why didn’t I think of this earlier?
Glad you liked it. 😛
LOL!!! Once again, hilarious!
So glad I found you a couple of days ago before you got all Freshly Pressed and famous and stuff… 😉
Aw, shucks! I’m gonna get all misty-eyed now. Maybe I should get one of those tiny dogs and a reality show now? 🙂
I need to write this down! Incase I get to meet aliens. 🙂
It wouldn’t hurt to keep it on your person for the rest of your life. You never know. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! You deserve it!
Cartoon bloggers unite!
Dyslexic cartoon bloggers untie! Wait… damn it, I did it again. Stupid learning disorder. 😛
Absolutely loving it. Nice blog post to start off my evening blog-reading. Congrats on Freshly Pressed – I was about to check your blog out anyway after that 7×7 award thing on Reasonably Ludicrous, but it saved me from having to, you know, click links. Which is effort. Anyway….
Could you maybe do a post on what to do if you’re the first alien to come in contact with humans?
Because, you know, I have a few blog readers who might be interested in that.
(Damn lack of edit button.)
Hmm, I should look into this. I probably shouldn’t write it from the Giger-esque Alien’s perspective. It might be a little too gory for some! 🙂
My friend once wrote a paper on the subject, but I must say the visuals add drastically to the effect.
Your friend is a brilliant person and also probably very attractive. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂
Thanks for the laugh on a Friday that didn’t have any before I read this! Maybe “99 Luftballons” would work, too….
Good point. I think a song that’s about nuclear disarmament would send the right message. 🙂
Hahaha, made my day! I can tell you put some thought into this before posting it, great job! (:
I’m glad to hear it. It’s really the aliens that did all the work. They just handed me the script. 😛
This was brilliant! 😀 Straight, funny, right, short and to the point! And the illustrations are so “it” in this article! Lovelly topic! :))) I’ll definitelly come visit your blog again and again! 🙂
Greetings from Lithuania! 😉
Glad you liked it. I’ve been to a lot of the eastern European countries, but I haven’t had the pleasure of setting foot in Lithuania yet. I hope to remedy this soon. Thanks for stopping by. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble staying warm AND looking very fashionable this winter. 🙂
LOL!!! love it. Hopefully I will remember not to freak out when I meet them.
Just remember to take deep breaths. 😛
vai toma no cu bando de filhos da puta do caralho…
What I meant to say was, “I have a potty mouth and I think the underwhelmer isn’t smart enough to recognize Portuguese.
Oh, but I am.
Cool Staff I re Press it!
Thank you. 🙂
Next episode should be that you are the one they have homed in because of your erudite writing and taken in for questioning.
Let us hear how you ask for a fag to cool down yourself?
Don’t go for wine first.
This one is good and next one should be better and tell us how the toilets are?
It is difficult to vee vee in space and I am told even in heaven too.
Ha ha. Good considerations. Maybe I should attack this next post like I’m an embedded reporter aboard the alien mother-ship? Thanks for the brain-food. Cheers! 🙂
I’ll be with you and I won’t ask for money!
Now I’m prepared for any alien encounter!
Good luck and Godspeed!
I would like to be your interpreter and I am going to make a software for that with tunes used for meditation.
We’d love to have you on board. 🙂
I have it on good authority that liking Night Rider is a sign that your high. It’s number three, right after “cotton mouth” and “life seems pretty good”!
I agree that liking Night Rider means you’re probably under the influence of some mind-altering drug. Liking Night Ranger, however, just means you’re awesome!
Super funny! And informative! Love the reference to Close Encounters as an “historical documentary”. Quite the little fresh pressed club you guys have going. Congratulations! You deserve it!
We’re actually the WordPress founders. We get bored occasionally and Freshly Press each other to break up the monotony… just kidding. 😛
I’m really glad you like my crazy ramblings and thanks for stopping by!
Hi – great post, and nothing underwhelming about it despite your monicker – but I am afraid you have your facts mixed up. It would be an error to play music to them, because music might just kill them. Has Mars Attacks not taught you anything? Oh, and make sure you use hand sanitizer before you shake their, um, tentacles, because, as HG Wells told us long ago, the common cold germ kills them too.
Though wait – in both those cases, the aliens were hostile and out to get us…so I take it back…its all good. You are a sneaky devious evil genius! Teach me, master.
LOL. I’m going to pretend that I considered all of those points when I wrote it and that I am a genius! In all reality, you might be the one who needs to teach me! Thanks for the praise. 🙂
Hilarious and so are the illustrations. How did u do them btw ?
Glad you like it. The secret of my art is a closely guarded recipe that I will now share with you…
Spare time + Alcohol + MS Paint = Funny Cartoons 😛
“Have I been probed yet? Why not? Is it because I’m ugly?”… Haha! This is a new (and completely weird) take on getting a seat at the cool kids’ table 🙂 Great post!
It is a way to get to the table, but I don’t think I’d be able to sit for a few hours… Thanks for reading and I’m happy you liked it. 🙂
This is an awesome post – I feel very prepared to meet me some aliens now. Super thanks!!! Can’t wait to read what’s next!
Good luck. We’re all counting on you!
So glad to hear that you liked by crazy ramblings. 🙂
You just made my day!
Thank you. I do what I can. 🙂
But the sheep want it… Or why would they be in the field at the same time as me? Great post. I think an alien approved playlist is in order though. Can I get away with a bit of Marillion? Original singer of course.
I hope the aliens don’t subscribe to your logic. That could end badly for all of us in the “don’t probe me” camp. Glad you liked the post, and yes, Marillion is acceptable. 🙂
I have printed it out, and put it in an accessible place. Thank you!
Ha ha. Thanks. I’d do the same, but I have it tattooed to my chest already. 😛
AWESOME POST! WORTHY OF ALL CAPS, DUDE!
Thanks. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
This is awesome. Now I know what to do if I make contact with aliens, whew. Also, I’ll be sending this to my brother, who will most likely think it’s doubly awesome, and I figure I should warn him about the best course of action in case of alien encounters. Congrats on being freshly pressed – they definitely made a great choice with your post!
Thanks. You know, for the longest time I though that the WordPress people were channeling the spirits of dead crazy people when they chose FP. Now I know that one of those dead crazy people must have liked me at some point! Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
Great post! Thank you for sharing!
I will follow your blog!
Thanks. I love you avatar by the way.
Hats off to you, my friend. Great job.
Thank you SANAT. I do what I can.
LMFAO…incredibly nerdly funny…
I am more prepared now to meet my maker (or an alien, if Douglas Adams is to be believed)
So, forewarned is forearmed (or four-armed, if its a monster-alien).
I only hope that Douglas Adams would be proud. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
This is too funny! Great post! Greetings from Guatemala!
Wow, this post is quite the little globe-trotter!
Thanks for the kind words. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
Somebody’s got a case of the giggles. 🙂
hahaha…funny post…very great post.
A very good attempt at exo-politics. I already saw one and I never want to see another one again. I would be running as fast as I can if I saw one land. People think they are friendly. If you travelled 20 years from some where else, would you be satisfied with pictures of the planet you visited? I don’t think so. You would be taking a sample ( person) to take home with you. How can I explain the awesome humor of your post and the sheer terror of the reality of it happened? We are not ready bottom line. We would probably start a nuclear war with them.
… and they would win.
Good insight and thanks for sharing. 🙂
This is hilarious!
Thanks, so is your avatar!
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How insecure would you have to be that you would need anal probing to feel accepted? LOL. Good one – now do one about what to do in case of Zombie Apocalypse.
Glad you liked it. I’ve definitely got the Zombie Apocalypse in my cross-hairs. 🙂
By far the most informative and simple way of communicating with aliens.
Music and break-dancing. Aliens love both. 🙂
Great advice! I thought you might like our wordpress site, about a new book about going to high school with aliens: http://www.alienatedbooks.com. Enjoy!
“ALIENATED is a completely true adventure set in the most
hostile place in the universe: high school.”
That will sell the book right there my friend. 🙂
Would it be acceptable to call the military??
I can tell you that having a bunch of pissed-off, rifle-toting, eighteen-year-old paratroopers and/or marines greeting the aliens is not a good idea. 🙂
“a rooster having sex with a frog in front of a megaphone” . . . I just can’t get over all of it.
Very nice work!
Thanks. I’m glad you like my word smithy. 🙂
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I’d try to sell them the Brooklyn Bridge.
They’d take it out of guilt. They’d be good sports and pretend to be really excited. 🙂
Hysterical. Very witty and well written. I appreciate your insight. I feel prepared.
“…and knowing is half the battle.”
Now I need an iphone! Thanks for the post…I love Supernatural too 😉 That Dean!
He is very man-pretty… sorry Sam.
You’re hilarious! Reminded me of the movie “Paul”. The cartoons were priceless!!
Thanks for the kind words. I’ll have to check this movie out. I don’t think I’ve heard of it. 🙂
All of this stuff is really good information. I printed it out and will fold it up and carry it with me in my pocket for future reference (easier than writing it all down on my hand). Btw, I laughed out loud throughout this entire post.
I’m glad it’s helping you. I might need to print it out to have an extra, but I already have it tattooed on my chest. 😛
Whew, I always wondered what I had to do if I was visited by an alien! True, the aliens do appear down in Brazil a lot. Must be the carnival with all their lights…. Anyways, would the Beastie Boys “InterGalactic” song be too much for them? We actually do have an alien Ambassador. Her name is Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist. She’s our “leader”. Great post!
The astrophysicist is a great choice. Aliens won’t be impressed by politicians at all. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
good to know! very funny!!!
Did you draw these? Awesome bro
Well, the aliens sent me the pictures. I just replicated them in MS Paint. 🙂
From one nerd to another… love your work!
Glad freshly pressed got me here, that post was very funny 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and don’t be a stranger in the future! 🙂
I´m Brazilian very nice your blog.
Why thank you. 🙂
Realistically, I think the best thing to do if you make contact with an alien civilization is to tell them to keep well clear of this place, since we’re all nuts down here.
That’s sound advice there. You should write a guide from the alien’s perspective. 🙂
Quick! I need some alien appropriate music!!!
This made my day! I love it! I just bought Close Encounters of the Third Kind not long ago. Now I will have to watch it again.
Thank you for the smiles and laughs.
I’m glad I made your day a little better. 🙂
this is so funny..!!
and btw, i like the cartoon…!! 🙂
Thank you. It’s good to hear such kind words. 🙂
Highly chucklesome. 🙂
I do my best to include a high concentration of chuckles. 🙂
thank god i have “don’t stop believing” on my music list!….finally some good advice on how to behave….this is great!
If I don’t know the answer to a difficult situation, I play “Don’t Stop Believing” and it usually resolves the situation nine out of ten times. 🙂
HAHA this is hilarious! And congrats on being FP’ed!
Thank you. Nice avatar, by the way.
haha thanks! I’ll be sure to pass along your compliment to my friend, the milk carton suit owner. I think I died and went the heaven when I got to wear that bad boy… haha 😀
Your post certainly made my day! Thank you so much for that wonderful piece of humor. I was chuckling the whole time I was reading it… Sigh! If only I got to read more of this kind of piece everyday, I won’t be worrying much if I am to miss Spongebob Squarepants…
Thank you. I’m glad I could make you laugh. 🙂
Well it all seems like good advice. I guess we won’t know until we put it into practice. A hat made out of aluminum foil may also be a good thing to keep handy.
I never take mine off, otherwise the CIA would know what I’m up to. 😛
lol so funny. I love this blog.
My blog isnt about aliens though, its about pet sitting .. check it out
Hmm, the aliens could have pets so this is a worthy consideration. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Awesome and truly funny post. I’ll try to apply this if I ever meet any aliens. I hope their Vulcans, but I suppose I could deal with Betazoid or somthing else friendly.
Just don’t catch the Vulcans during their mating cycle. They get a little uptight. 🙂
Ha Ha Ha…just waht I needed. A laugh!
I’m always glad to spread the laughter. Thanks for stopping in, geektweek.
And to think I was going to pay for a class on that very subject! Thanks for the free info!!!
Wait… I can charge for this?
****STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!***
Haha wow. Congrats on Freshly Pressed. You deserve it.
Thank you, awkardapple. 🙂
Awesome blog! Thanks!
Thank you. Don’t be a stranger.
haha.. funny.. 🙂 great cartoon.. ^_^
Glad you liked it. Please feel free to drop in anytime. 🙂
Why is the alien in the last image giving the horned god sign? Oh, so you’re saying it’s ok to be friendly with devil worshipping aliens! One is not amused!
Aliens would most likely hear our radio broadcasts before they ever encountered Earth. Historically, the bulk of Earth’s radio broadcasts over the past 70 years have come from modernized, western countries… that’s a lot of rock & roll. When viewed from this perspective, there’s a small probability that aliens would enjoy rocking the f*ck out, devil horns and all. 🙂
Hilarious! Thank you for this. The pictures were perfect–and equally hilarious!
Thank you. I hate reading huge blocks of text on some blogs, so I decided to include pictures and well, I just got carried away with myself. 🙂
Hahahaha! Now with your helpful, significant advice, I am 101% ready for my alien encounter! I couldn’t be more prepared! Haha!
Good luck! Just remember your training and you’ll do fine! 😛
very funny indeed. Aliens are really cute
If you tell them that, they might just keep you. 🙂
OMG. I LOL d
Thank you. It’s good to see that I started a case of the LOLz. 🙂
Pingback: What to Do if You’re the First Human to Make Contact with Aliens | slopestreetcats.com
Can i take a picture of him??
Cameras are very similar to ray guns. They’re both small and they emit an intense light. You don’t want them to get confused. 😦
*insert x-files theme here*
“They’re out there.”
Laughter is the best medicine. Padke Taw would agree lol.
I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
Close Encounters of the Third Kind as a historical documentary… Classic. Enjoyed your post. 🙂
Wait a minute… are you saying it was a fictional movie?
My whole life is a lie. I, I have to lie down now. 😦
Hilarious! I once found a birthday card for my brother (who is terrified of aliens mind you) that showed a man in bed and two aliens discussing whether or not they should abduct him. Needless to say they decided not to take the old fart, my brother was relieved, and your post gave me good advice to pass on to the sissy!
“Forewarned is forearmed.”
Glad you liked it. 🙂
Oops! I already met aliens, and I didn’t do any of this! Dang.
Well, we’re all doomed. We might as well go out with a bang! Who wants to help me with this tequila and possibly, at a later juncture, my pants?
love it! I just started this blog stuff, too, so please let me know if you’re interested in guest blogging on mine.
Keep up the funnyboning.
I really like the retro feel of you blog. MS Paint is such a blast too. Send me an e-mail sometime. 🙂
Wonderful post !! I agree, it would hurt my self-esteem quite a bit if I wasn’t probed but then again, I wasn’t probed 😉
Guess I’m alien-ready and all set to be Human Ambassador now, thanks to you! 🙂
Go out there and knock em’ dead kiddo! 🙂
Ha, ha loved the guide! I would never be able to follow it though. I’m extremely scared of aliens.
Well, if the H.R. Giger scenario played itself out, you’d still be alive. So that’s always nice. 🙂
hilarious article with a simple pictures. Well, don’t mind about the pictures you attached, I do really get what you mean and it’s fantastic. I’m waiting for your next posts.. 😉
Why, thank you. 🙂 I’ll be posting again soon.
better to keep a print of this in one’s pocket, you know, just in case. one doesn’t want to overlook any of the details of these comprehensive engagement procedures if suddenly accosted by them aliens in the paddy fields (out here, there’s hardly any corn fields).
Very true. You wouldn’t want to be caught off guard. 😉
I feel so much better now that I know what to do in this situation. You should author a self-help book about extraterrestrial confrontation.
Hmm, now there’s an idea. I would love to have people throw money at me. I should get started post-haste!
I’ll be sure to follow your advice next time I bump into some extraterrestrial beings.
Last time I just sat down with them to a game of scrabble, and we kept arguing about the spelling… 😉
Yeah, I think they talk in Śāradā script. It can get confusing when you’re trying to calculate double word score and whatnot. 🙂
Hilarious and educational at the same time. If I do ever run into aliens, and they don’t probe me, I won’t know whether to experience relief or insult.
I’m glad you liked it. Probing creates a complex series of emotional reactions. Most aliens feel obligated to probe because they don’t want to promote “probe envy” among the abducted.
Haha very funny and the artwork is also very beautiful. I’ll take your advice.
Never in my wildest dreams did I foresee anyone describing my MS Paint scrawling as, “beautiful.” Thank you for proving me wrong in a good way. 🙂
Oh thank you for the laughs! Sorry did I say laughs? I meant enlightenment 😉
Thank you! One person finally gets it! This isn’t a humor post. I’m trying to save lives people!!! 🙂
I noticed you failed to ask them how they ended wars in their planet.
There’s a good chance that they’re alien war refugees, not visitors. Well spotted, by the way. 😉
Extraterrestrial evidence or Atlantis evidence
Almost all the images you see in this video have a size of 0.5 millimeter to 1 millimeter
In this video you can see the two metal objects at actual size:
What is your opinion?
Thanks for your time, pareidolia.effect.
Hmm, very interesting. The human brain is geared to make connections between things, particularly the human face. We would go insane and/or die out if not for this near-automatic process. Carl Sagan was a huge proponent of this theory. Now, whether or not those individual connections are founded in fact is the question that leaves scientists and philosophers pounding their heads on the collective chalkboard. Meanwhile, all of the mundanes (the rest of us) just try to sort it out as best we can to get through the day.
Thanks for contributing. You got my brain juices going. 🙂
Thank you for your opinion. Thanks for your time.
these are very important tips. i hope they do not come in handy though 😆
As Douglas Adams put it, “To be forewarned is to be forearmed.”
I love your post and I’m sure I’ll like the next few. I’m sure these tips will be very useful in times to come!!
Thank you, Nerdygirlwithglasses. Our type has to stick together. 🙂
What a clever post! Very probe worthy! Congrats on being freshly pressed…and thanks for making me smile 🙂
Thanks for the kind words. I’m always happy to make people smile. 🙂
really cool post.. 😀
Thank you. Don’t be a stranger now. 🙂
love love love this.
Aw, I’m going to get a misty eyed if you guys keep this up. 🙂
I wholeheartedly approve of your Supernatural clip/love!
Thanks. I’m just glad that I stumbled upon that show a couple of years ago. I had a lot of catching up to do, but I enjoyed every moment of it. 🙂
funny. It’s as well they don’t land in Australia. They’d be processed while poeple protested outside then the leader of the proposition would demand they be sent home!
I’m sure they’d love to go to Australia. There’s so many nice people, good beer and not to mention all of the great marsupials. 🙂
I love Supernatural! It’s awesome ins’t it? And funny post!
Thank you. I love that show. I can’t wait for the next season. 🙂
This is so funny!!! I loved the drawings!!! 😀 😀
Thank you. I originally started the drawings to be funny because they were so poorly drawn, but I’m surprised at how many people really like them and think that they’re “good.”
I can hardly imagine myself… talking with those kind of creatures[referring to aliens]… @.@…. anyway… good post… 🙂
Diplomacy has a way of choosing you, not the other way around. 🙂 Glad you liked it.
Lol. My first time to read a blog and an article, and my first aticle read is very worthwhile though its impossible there’s an alien out there. If there has, it would be more primitive than us. Hard to explain because….I want to see an alien too. Talk with him. Compare each one’s races. And,for others who were gaga over aliens, I suggest reading K.A. Applegate’s Animorphs. It’s cool, and it seem contrary to what is posted here, for the leader of the direct invasion is, as the characters say, that he’s almost cute and harmless,except for his tail…and when he morphs. Just read it. It’s cool.
Hmm. I’ll have to give it a look. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Classic! Thanks for the laugh… 😀
Thank you. That’s the whole reason I started blogging. 🙂
Really this sharing is very funny. Thank u (^_^)
Spread it around as much as you can. Lives could depend on this information. 🙂
I always knew Sister Christian was the key to intergalactic harmony. funny stuff, thanks for the laugh
If you play the vinyl backwards, it actually states that it is intended to be used for intergalactic harmony and diplomacy. 🙂
Cute! Everyone assumes shaking hands is a universal, or even that aliens would want to shake hands, as opposed to some other body part … or form of alien body part. As always, carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer to such encounters may be wise.
You’re right. The H.R. Giger alien has a very special hug that involves an ovipositor, eggs and an unwilling host. The hand sanitizer is always a good idea. Hand sanitizer and a towel. 🙂
First time visitor … wow …. outstanding humor. First post I’ve ever read with animal sex AND Galactic Council. Well done.
I wish I could take credit for the randomness, but I actually try to work the animal sex topic into everything that I do. It makes the workplace a bit awkward. 😉
Excellent Post!! Simple,logical and immensely funny. Does the blog reflect any personal experiences?
I’m happy you liked it. Come back anytime. 🙂
You made my lunchtime all *chortley*, thank you:)
One minor point – does the Carpenters ‘Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft’ not get a look-in for the song choice? Karen Carpenter had a very soothing quality and we all want our aliens to be relaxed don’t we?
Lunchtime can always use a few more chortles. I don’t see a reason why the aliens wouldn’t want to relax. I just wished that I had remembered to include David Bowie’s Space Oddity in the recommended play list. 🙂
LOLz… thats all i can say….. hahaha…..
PS. this is really great!!!!! i have fun reading this article… ^_^ good job ^_^ hahaha
It’s always a pleasure. Thank you.
love it! thanks
Adams rules – even though he’s no longer with us!
Great tips everyone should follow when the day arrives.
Agreed. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Hi, I saw your blog on Freshly Pressed, I had to smile at least 5 times! I will definitely be coming back for more!!!! Thank you for making me smile, keep up the hilarious posts!
Thank you. I’ll do my best. 😉
woooo!I thin this is great!!!
I’m glad you like it. 🙂
Hahaha, it’s funny 😉
Thanks, I thought so too. 🙂
The big question is: what am I supposed to do if I meet Alien #2 wearing #1’s jump suit? 😀
Best advice: Just play it cool… no sudden movements. 😉
LMAO Thank You! perfect start to my weekend 🙂
…or the perfect start to your abduction?
Just kidding, have a great rest of your weekend! 🙂
Ha ha. Glad you like it! 😛
Thanks. Your artwork is really good by the way. 😉
Thank You !
Spent about 5minutes laughing after reading this, It’s such a brilliant idea!
Now you just need to spend the rest of the day preparing… just kidding. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.
So, my friend . . . How does it feel? LMAO. Do you think the aliens have taken over at WP? You know, two underachieves like us in the same week.
Congrats! Well deserved.
They might have to change the name to Freshly Probed!
Who knew that we’d both be freshly pressed on the same week?
I don’t know what’s going on since they’re letting all the undesirables like us in now. 😉
Yes … it was so funny I am still laughing .. good description of what must be done when the times comes … specially about the music inter-galactic language ….
Music is the key to the heart… Night Ranger is the key to the soul. 🙂
Congratulations on being fresly pressed.
Your post is funny and very informative. It also made me realize that I need to be prepared and prepare other people as well.
Thank you. Now go. Go spread the word! 🙂
Thanks for this.
This is valuable advice, and therefore I shall print a copy and take it with me next time I plan to be in a cornfield at 3am…
I do what I can to help. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂
Oh my, you gave me a chuckle. Personally, if I was an alien and heard Journey I would jump back in my spaceship and boot it. Oh yeah and “betentacled” is my word of the day.
Aliens need to be ready to handle the appropriate level of awesome that is created by 80s rock. Journey is a good test for this. 🙂 I’m glad you like my word-smithy too.
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Hahaha thanks for the advice!
Who knows? It could save your life one day. Thanks for the kind words. 🙂
Plug your iPod into their spaceship console with ‘OK Computer’ (Radiohead) and you’ll get special treatment. Also, just say no to the probe. It’s that easy.
Nice touch! I like it. They might already have Radiohead though, seeing as how I think some of the band might actually be aliens themselves. 😉
Hey, I’m just waiting for them to come pick me up…
Don’t forget to bring a towel. 😛
Funny stuff, and very useful. I’m still hoping my first alien encounter is with the Doctor — which is why I keep a fez in my car!
Nice allusion to the good Doctor! I was tempted to put him in there somehow. Cheers! 🙂
This is sooooooooooooooooooo cool, I loved it
Thank you. Be sure to come back again! 🙂
i didn’t survive this post. i laughed my head off. 😆
I’m sorry you’re dead, but at least you went out in a good mood! 😉
Beam me up already!!!!!!No kidding, I’m scared of space, it’s so big and dark and unknown!
Yeah, it’s pretty scary and that’s without mentioning the near-lack of Oxygen and soul-freezing temperatures. 😦
The idea of playing Don’t Stop Believing to little green men is hilarious!!! Just watched the last episode of Stephen Spielberg’s “Taken” and this post definitely cheered me up in my post-alien withdrawal.
Glad you liked it. 🙂 Everybody needs a little dosage of alien in their lives.
This was good!! Very creative! 😀
Thanks. My high school guidance counselor once said, “Son, you’re either going to do something really good for everybody or blow up the world.”
I’m glad I’m trying to do option 1, but the two aren’t mutually exclusive. 😉
I’m glad you dropped by.
Totally awesome! Love your blog! I will try to represent.
Good luck and Godspeed! 😉
insightful, you should publish your research!!!
Well, if you can find a publisher that wants to throw money at a madman, I’m game! 😛
I don’t think your findings depict lunacy.
however, if you are looking for a madman publisher, you should contact those who published Twilight. =D
if sparkling wizards can sell worldwide, so can raging aliens!!! =D
You are a funny, funny person. Wasn’t aware New Zealand had cornfields…
I’m not sure, I’ve never been. I’ve definitely got to cross it off the bucket list though. Oh, and of course perform my obligatory nerd pilgrimage to the filming site of Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
make free money!
What I meant to say was, “I have absolutely no shame and I would sell my own mother if it would benefit me. Furthermore, I think that everyone looking at this is too stupid to understand the basic principles of economics and that they should believe in the magical existence of free money. For the love of God, click my link.”
Wow, you’re really hard on yourself. 😉
Oh, Underwhelmer, I bow to your magical creativity of speech.
Funny and cute! I will just hope the aliens will be like the colourful furry men in ‘Earth Girls are Easy’ haha, once they’re groomed they’re all hunk 😉 Congrats on being freshly pressed, FRESH!
God, I hope they’re sexy dudes too… wait a minute. I mean, I like women. Whew, that was close there for a second. 😉
“Eyes are the windows of the soul and this creature lacks both”
😀 😀 😀
Ha ha. Glad you liked that part. I was trying to work that quote in somehow. Thanks for dropping in. 🙂
step 5: tag your new friends on facebook!
Well said! Take me to these “books of face” of which you speak. 😉
This is so FAB!
Thank you. I always forget to use fab in its adjective form. I go through phases with words I like. For a while, I was referring to everybody as “cats” in an attempt to bring it back. Fab is now my flavor of the week. Thanks again. 😛
I would totally freak out, I know it. Looks like I’m unacceptable.
Aw, don’t say that. Just practice exposing yourself to situations of mind-bending weirdness. Standing in line at the DMV is a good start. 😛
did you make a mystery science theater 3000 reference?! this was a great post, had me laughing and entertained through the read. 🙂 i’ll make sure to subscribe so i don’t miss any more witty posts i was unaware existed.
“…but i’m not an alien.”
Well spotted. I was wondering if anybody was going to get the MST3K reference from This Island Earth.
“They’re magnetized. If your hands were made of metal, that would mean something.”
“…still, your whole family died. that’s a bummer, huh?”
Definitely call Mulder.
Hmm. Good idea, but you might not want to get those three-letter agencies involved. “Labyrinthine bureaucracy” doesn’t even begin to describe how they sometimes operate. 🙂
Humourous. Good. OK.
But has anyone noticed how “light” and “silly” gets Freshly Pressed? Never anything of significant gravitas. It’s condescending and patronizing. gzzok!
Aw, don’t be a grumpy bear. 😉 Sometimes people need to be light and silly just so they can make it through the day. I know I fall into that category more often than not. It’s just too exhausting for me to pretend to be serious all the time.
Try to stay warm up there! Cheers!
Thank you. Very useful stuff.
Best of luck to you when you get abducted! 😛
With all the attention zombies and vampires have been getting in recent years we’ve really been neglecting our proper training for alien related incidents. Thanks for the refresher!
This is one of the funniest posts I’ve read on Freshly Pressed in quite some time.
Thanks, but don’t worry. I’ve got guides on Zombies (both shuffling and sprinting types) and Vampires (NOT the Twilight flavor) in the works. 😉
You had me LOLing! But question, would the final countdown be a good idea? Seeing as the aliens may take offense. I’ll explain, while traveling they may have stumbled on a rouge radio wave of Independence Day and may make them feel wary, i.e. the countdown sequence when the mother ship was blown up. They may feel more compelled to visit venus on the other hand, or ask us about venus in detail.
Hmm. Good points for consideration. I might need to include this in an update to the post. Well played, well played indeed. 😛
Love the Douglas Adams reference. I’m a HUGE Hitchhiker’s fan. 🙂
Thank you. Remember, “forewarned is forearmed.” 😛
Normally, I take comments like this (shameless plugs/ spam) and then, using the edit function, paraphrase it into something that’s witty and slightly insulting.
You’re lucky today because I won’t do this with you. I like poetry and I think the world could do with more of it. Keep up the good work and be sure to at least leave something other than just a link back to your blog in the future. 😉
hehe cool post!
They are coming lol http://palmtreelifestyle.wordpress.com/salusa-14november2011-mike-quinsey/
I’m glad you like it. 🙂
oh man this is a funny ass bit, love it keep it up
Thank you. I try my best. 🙂
Hah! Absolutely hilarious!
Now I know what to do when Aliens do indeed visit Earth… let’s hope I remember them when I do! 😛
The best way is to print it out and keep it on your person for the rest of your life… Just kidding, but not really. 😉
Pingback: What to Do if You’re the First Human to Make Contact with Aliens « SEAN "LA PRAWN" SPOTLIGHT
This gave me ThunderLOLZ, as did that episode of Supernatural!
Thanks Pete. I’ll have to steal “ThunderLOLZ” for future use!
Glad you stopped by. 🙂
P.S. From one boxer to another; It’s not just the 1-2 you have to worry about. Those right hooks can be fast, especially toward the end of the round, when everybody tends to block a bit sluggishly. Blood like that can end the fight before you’re ready. What do I know though? My boxing career was far less than sterling. Cheers!
Ahahahahahahahaha! Very informative! xD Loved it, though. At least now I know what to do if an alien tries to make contact.<3 Great post(:
Thank you coffeebeans. Awesome fedora, by the way. 😛
“Earths oil reserves are not on the table, I say… No, we will not send you our most fertile beautiful women for your hybrid super soldiers… My fellow earthlings would not be interested in discount bovine organs. Good day, sir….
“I SAY GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR!!!”
It seems that you’re more that ready to be Earth’s Ambassador to the Galactic Council! Don’t give those xenomorphs an inch or they’ll take a mile! 🙂
This was really funny; I liked the cartoons! Also, I’m a fan of Supernatural too! Feel free to check out my blog if you want.
Why, thank you. 🙂 I will most definitely have to read The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth. It seems like a great book that’s right up my alley. 🙂
This is a great post and in keeping with someting my nephew just told my Mom. He went through an hour disseration on zombies, how to deal with them and the most important things anyone needs when “the end” comes. Dang smart kid for 12! Being prepared for anything is the most important thing fr everyone…nothing is impossible. Congrason FP!!! I am still waiting for my day. I can understand about dealing with extra traffic, especially comments! Enjoy :o)
You’re nephew could be the future leader of the resistance! Please continue to feed his imagination. The fate of Earth could hang in the balance. Thanks for the kind words, but you know, the extra traffic is a good problem to have. I’m glad you stopped by and I hope you enjoy your stay. 😉
This is genius. And it deserves Freshly Pressed! Way to go! No need to reply, just keep up the fantastic work.
No need to reply? Are you kidding? I heard “genius” and I came running! Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Ellis. 😉
It was pretty shocking to find out that I was FP on Friday. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
I think once word of this blog gets to the US government, they may take it down. You know how they are about aliens. Great post, btw. I am now ready if I do encounter any extraterrestrials.
It’s a good thing that I’m in the US Government and I’m well versed on smoke screens and deception operations. 😉
Glad I could help you with your preparations. 🙂
Thank you, now go get ready! 🙂
Great post! Loved the illustrations and of course, the funny ideas!
If one day I “meet” extraterrestrials, now I know what to do 😉
Glad to help. Remember, “forewarned is forearmed.” 🙂
At what point do I get to plug my blog on their alien hyperspace internet?
Hmm. Good question. I think you could show them on your iPhone right after Don’t Stop Believing is done. Let me know how it works out. 🙂
Very nice artwork i love it and congratulation 🙂
Thank you so much. 🙂
what about put ratings on the comments? coz the comments are so funny as well… 😉
Wow. Are you in my house right now? I just talked to Wife about doing just that in the near future… creepy. 😛
This is just AWSOME!!! I love it so much, and I laugh for a While, I just can’t imagine someone meeting aliens from outer space and acting as if they were talking and chating as in an international negotiation between to different countries, jejejeje is amaizing I will promote ir between my friends, because is worth reading. Congrats!! For this excelente work.
I will come back later to read some more!
Wow, thanks. 🙂 It’s kind of weird, but I think that aliens would be a lot like us once we finally bridged the communication gap. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
I really enjoy reading it, and I’ll spred the word, because you already reach México!! Jejejeje.
Still, I agree with you, I also share your point of view, that when aliens get in touch with humans it must need to be a kind of negotiation of “what we know-what they know and what they do-what we can do”, kind of interesting.
I will take note what not do like run and shout for my life “Saaaave meee”!!!!! jejejeje.
Cracking up @ “we won’t go into what you’re doing in the middle of a cornfield at 3 a.m. you sad, lonely person.” It always amazes me the kind of people you find in such a predicament who approach the media with “proof” of their encounters but they always fail to mention why exactly they’re there in the first place. It makes me wonder: is that person just an alien disguised as a human trying to distract us from their true location on earth? The mystery continues!
Thanks. 🙂 I love how it always seems to be the craziest person to be abducted. They never pick up scientists or respected world leaders. It’s always some unhinged yokel. Oh well, what can you do? 😉
I’m sorry, I’m in love with this in a way that I cannot describe.
Wow, I left somebody wordless… Now I don’t know what to say. 😉
Haha! This is really funny! And the drawings only enhanced the humour of it all! Way to go for being the first person to write a very informative yet humourous guide for the rest of the human race, cause you’ll never know when THEIR coming…
– for the nerds. We just know too much.-
Ha ha. I’m glad you liked it. I’ll be working hard in the future to put together several other guides. 😛
My favorite part is when you talk about how the radio waves take a while to get out there so the aliens are probably into 80s power ballads hahaha.
I don’t know how true it is, but I’m just projecting my irrational love for 80s power ballads. Thanks for stopping in. 😛
Good imagination. Enjoyed reading it 🙂
Thank you. Come back anytime 😉
Very original and entertaining! Way to go! Did you do the cartoons? They are so genuinely bad and also original they add to the humor. I had to read it twice……
Ha ha! Thanks. I do all of the artwork myself and, yes, it’s bad on purpose. I find that bad pictures are somehow funnier than good ones. 😉
Cool post and I love it
Thank you. You guys are too nice. 🙂
very creative cartoons and ideas on an alien contact.. very imaginative:))
Thanks. I spend too much time inside my own head, so it’s a pretty weird place. 😛
Thanks! I love you little spaceship, by the way. 🙂
Yeah, Really so creative!! i liked it 🙂
Thank you. I update once a week (random day though,) 🙂
This so really nice, Specially the art were so creative. 🙂 Interesting.
Im a 15yr old Tech Blogger seeking adivce: http://thetechnogeeks.wordpress.com
I’m glad you like it. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
LOL! I shall echo the above ‘very creative’
Thanks. I just write whatever tumbles out of the old noggin. 😉
Killer piece! Love the humour and the cartooning. All excellent advice and completely sensible – and loads of points from my side for starting in the perfect fashion by quoting the greatest book ever written!
Aw, you’re too kind. I make this stuff funny on purpose, but the practical side of me enforces some strange tendency to make even my silliest stuff appear somewhat useful. No mutter how much I try to stifle it, I’m still a right-brain thinker.
It’s good to see another Adams fan. Thanks for dropping in. 😛
Very funny, sir. We wan’t more of this.
Thanks. I have more guides in the works… stay tuned. 🙂
funny… good cartoon…
Thank you. 😉
Thanks for these clear instructions. Before reading this post I may have inadvertently caused the destruction of humanity… As I do not possess an iphone at present I will be avoiding all late night corn fields. I will also be practicing my poker face so as not to offend the visitors with my frozen look of horror. Thanks again!
PS: Is playing them ‘We are the champions’ by Queen just asking for trouble?
Ha ha! If they don’t like Queen, then I don’t want them here. Who wouldn’t be soothed by the audio-honey that is the voice of Freddie Mercury?
coool good cartoon 😀
Thank you. 😛
Those steps were my plan all along !!
Thanks for confirming I was right. ^_0
(even though I’m not quite sure about the music yet…)
Good piece, really funny !
It’s good to see that I could confirm your plans! I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
Your humor is infectious! Keep writing.
I wonder if you might be able to write about “Autism”. It is called the “geek” disease because children with Autism appear to be predominantly born in “geek” parent households. Autistic kids are otherwise very healthy but they have communication issues. They have tantrums they cannot control – somewhat like how Parkinsons patients get episodes they cannot control.
One Autistic child has a simple request to be accepted by a tolerant society. They want to be included in the diversity column. It is a man-made modern disease. The Autistic kids will grow up and remain Autistic adults. They are part of society.
Perhaps, you might be able to bring attention to them? Your unique style of nerdy humor is exactly what is needed. Do visit my articles. One of interest may be Flu vaccine article
Parents have observed that healthy kids become Autistic during their childhood vaccination schedule.
Well thanks. I would really like to do a piece that would help people, but I think I would be hard-pressed to implement my style of humor in such a way that it did not come off as offensive with regards to such an important, but sensitive topic.
I’m glad you liked the post. Don’t be a stranger. 🙂
Let’s hope that they will have peaceful aims!!!
It’s about a 50/50. We’ll see what happens. 🙂
I already have Adele — and pints of Ben & Jerry’s — ready for their arrival. Hopefully, heartbreak works the same way on other planets.
Ha! Awesome. I think a pint or two of the old B&J will represent Earth nicely.
SHIT, Sam’s face at the end of the video LMAO! I love Dean, I love that man so much, I love ‘im love ‘im love ‘im would do everythin’ for ‘im cos I love ‘im love ‘im love ‘im! Kudos to you for being a Supernatural fan!
I like how you write. It’s funny, open and honest, and you sound like a total kid. Or a teenager. Or both. I wonder if you ARE both. That would be cool, cos that would make me a total psychic.
I’m subscribing, just so you know.
“How does it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch!”
I LOVE DEAN
Well, thanks. Welcome aboard. I’m 27, by the way. 😉
Nice to know we are preparing to meet Aliens as a human race now 🙂
But seriously, this stuff is everywhere. In 20 years, we might look back and look what happened, and we could say “that was a legendary day, when we met the aliens”.
Thanks for sharing this positive message and not going into the whole spreading of fear, like Hollywood has chosen.
Thanks, inDigiNeous. It’s a shame, but fear seems to sell more than happiness or humor. I can only take the news in small doses sometimes. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Hey this was great I love how you used your pics and is it me or does someone really like probing lol
Sometimes bad attention is better than no attention at all. 😉
That’s awesome.Thank you for the laughs. You have an incredible imagination
Thank you. It’s probably due to my biweekly Peyote benders. 😛
People in other planets are probably not worse than people of the earth, so if we arrive to well communicate between us; it will surely be easier to communicate with the other planets inhabitants …
Well, as long as we don’t play Led Zeppelin’s Communication Breakdown, I think we’ll be okay. 🙂
So the first trick-
Is not to panic.
Loved it. Congratulations
Thank you. Douglas Adams was a genius, that’s for sure. 🙂
Thanks for giving me that nerdy fuzzy feeling. And a good laugh.
Hurray for nerdy fuzzy feelings! 😛
What a great informative post….now I’m really ready for the meet up.
Thank you and good luck!
That’s awesome! But I’m afraid that aliens might this. Ooh, they must not know our plans!
Thanks for making me laugh by the way.
Oh, you’re right! I’ve created a paradox!
**************STOP THE PRESSES!!!*********************
That was close!
Media please, have mercy to human life and don’t publish this. THIS WILL SAVE OUR LIVES! Cool story bro. Haha!
WordPress for kiddies? Kidding of course 😉
Don’t tell my mom that I write this blog AND swear sometimes. 😛
Thanks. I’m glad you liked it. Don’t be a stranger. 😉
Could Alien science and epistemology be incomprehensible to humans?
On Wikipedia, I was reading the Stanisław Lem article and got linked to the Hypothetical types of biochemistry and Fermi paradox article, particularly the section on They are too alien, where it states “Another possibility is that human theoreticians have underestimated how much alien life might differ from that on Earth. Alien psychologies may simply be too different to communicate with human beings, to understand the concept of communication, or to even be interested in other lifeforms at all, and so they may be unable or unwilling to make the attempt. Human mathematics, language, tool use, and other concepts and communicative capacity may be parochial to Earth and not shared by other life.”
Can anyone provide any websites, articles, or books that explore this concept?
Specifically I would be interested in learning about the biological evolutionary and epistemological origins of a incommensurably radically different Alien consciousness, mathematics, perception, cognition and science.
As humans we get primarily depend on a specific range of light-waves as our way of perceiving the world. Our fellow mammals the bat “sees” sound, while the Platypus “sees” smell. Evolutionarily speaking, mammals are our close cousins. So the difference in perception of a an evolved species with a radically different environment is barely comprehensible.
At its core, I think the question comes down to whether you have a realist or instrumentalist view of science. If our knowledge and science is just what “works for us” or is “useful” than it might not necessarily be objectively True. It is caused by the mind-independent objective world, but might be experienced in radically different ways.
Does alien life need to even be biochemical ? Perhaps a purely electromagnetic life form can arise in the interior of stars. Or perhaps dark matter, whatever it is, is alive. Or, even if we talk about biological life forms, I believe there are bacteria which live deep underground that have much slower metabolisms than those we are familiar with. Yes, they aren’t intelligent, but perhaps more complex organisms can exist with a similarly slow metabolic rate.
This would be the epistemological basis for the cosmic horrors explored by Hp Lovecraft and Stanisław Lem in which aliens are so alien to humans, that it leads to complete incommensurablity and even madness.
Anyway I look forward to any comments anyone has on this interesting topic
Swimming in the deep end of the pool are we? I’ll bite… There’s a comment above that talks about Pareidolia, which is a type of Apophenia and I feel it’s somehow related to what you’re talking about. There’s nothing saying that aliens would or would not be anthropomorphic. In the broad range of what could be described as, “life,” I speculate that it’s a bit presumptuous of us to assume that aliens would be directly similar to us. They could breath Methane for all we know. Here’s where the link to Apophenia comes in. The human mind is geared to find patterns in things. It’s basic survival instinct. In doing so, we subconsciously grasp for patterns that may or may not be there. That’s why aliens always appear as little green men in bad SciFi movies and why there’s a face on Mars. To hit on the second part of your response, you really need to pick up some books by Carl Sagan if you haven’t already. They’ll really help you direct some of your speculations. I’d recommend The Cosmic Connection: An Extraterrestrial Perspective, and Contact. Happy reading. Cheers! 🙂
I don’t know. My first reply might be . . hey! get me out of here! LOL
No, don’t say that. Stay a while. 😉
I am new to wordpress and was reading some of the blogs. I loved this!! In my crazy life it is nice to read something that is refreshing as well as funny.
Thank you! I’m glad I could make your day a little better. 🙂
waaah, that’s a gooood story! i feel happy when i read it! 😀
thank you! it is make me laugh (a lot!) 😀
(sorry if my english languange is bad, i come from indonesia) ehehehe
Your English is great! I’m glad that you liked my crazy story. 🙂
meee likeeee – i will hover over you tomorrow
I’ll be awaiting pick up! 🙂
Erin… here’s the deal. Next time, please leave a comment that is comprised of something other than a link to your blog. Thanks. 🙂
lol awesomely funny thank you for the creativity !
Thank you. Early tests in Elementary school said that I would do well with creativity. 🙂
Who wouldda thought it? Laughter via the blogusfear! On the other hand, maybe the alien thing is really true.
Who knows? Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Like you, I’d be devastated if an alien saw me and didn’t probe me.
I have pride you know. I hurt easily.
I feel your pain. 😦
Your avatar is awesome, by the way. 🙂
This was actually fantastic. Huzzah for being FP’ed! You have yourself a new subscriber 😀
Thank you, Anna. What I’m about to tell you isn’t classy, but I thought you should know. I nearly spewed my martini all over my laptop when I read your Gravatar description. The stabbing part really came out of left field. 😉
Ha ha this was great. Keep nerdin’ my friend.
ps. I’d love to see a joke regarding Skyrim.
Oh, the Skyrim jokes shall be forthcoming. Don’t you worry. 🙂
As someone who has been contacted by aliens, I can say this guide will be completely useless. The aliens already realize that you are monitoring the corn fields at 3AM, so they actually land on college campuses in the middle of the morning. Particularly in the middle of a reasonably large city. Moreover, they actually don’t know any music that we have, because they live too far away to hear it. They only get here through time portals. Very high tech there.
Hmm. You sound like someone that might know the aliens…
I’VE FOUND ONE EVERYBODY!!!!
GET THE CAGES READY!!!
This is awesome! Now I definitely know how to behave on my first encounter with aliens…
Well, good luck and Godspeed. 🙂
a better question is… How would you like aliens to act towards you if you were to land on their planet?
All I would ask is that they kneel…. 🙂
Love it!! Keep it up! I want to blog! If I blog and nobody reads it.. I tweeted three times.. I didn’t see the point, if nobody hears me.. ! Knew to all of this, but want to bring exposure to my website. .. thanks!
You’re doing fine… 🙂 Keep up the good work.
I’m just wondering, what if you’re captured to be kept on some kind of alien zoo?
You didn’t cover that up
Well… I’d be the best exhibit they had, of course! 🙂
I would beat them up to display authority.
I don’t see why that wouldn’t work.
Thank you! I do what I can… 🙂
I laughed my heart out! Nice piece of work!
I appreciate it! Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
I am new to Word press, so new in fact that this is the first comment I have left. I just wanted to say thanks for the laugh. I loved the art and since you mentioned Adams in the first few sentences I could not help but read on.
I don’t believe in Aliens but should I ever encounter any I should try my best to remember your fine advise, before I launch in to the meaning of “life, the universe, and everything!”
Thank you. Just remember, “forewarned is forearmed!”
funny post. although I agree with staying calm instead of screaming around like an idiot from a paranoid apocalypse film. thanks for posting this. the drawing skills are bad-ass 🙂
Thanks! I think you’re the first person that’s called my drawing skills, “bad-ass.” 🙂
this is too funny! LOVE the drawings!
“Don’t stop me now” by Queen. Acceptable or not?
Very, very acceptable. In fact, all Queen songs are alien friendly. In fact, all Queen songs are underwhelmer friendly too. 🙂
if i was the first person to meet aliens i would take them to steven spielberg and tell him “Here are you new hollywood stars”.
…and you would be a millionaire!!! 🙂
Ah excellent post. I am a huge sci fi fan and watch most things with aliens in them so I could probably spot an alien a mile off. They’d be safe in my hands, I’d give them chocolates (which i sell 😉 ) and and show them the historical delights of Britain. If anything goes wrong I’ll refer to my Doctor Who dvd collection for help!
Out of all the things that Earth has going for it, I think chocolate would be in the top there. Well played…. well played indeed. 🙂
“In the historical documentary, Close Encounters of the Third Kind…” 🙂 I’ll definitely be in touch for some of that ’80s power rock if I make contact!
I’ll be on standby. 🙂
I wholeheartedly agree with the plan of just running away. I mean.. everyone does that and they might get oblitherated.. .but at least they tried to get away, what if you made friends with them and then… they killed everyone because you helped!? :[
See below. 🙂
Then you’d hold the distinction to be the last person on earth to be exterminated. but it would be useless since no other human would be able to know that since you’re the last. Haha!
You took the words right out of my mouth, journeyswithinwithout. 😛
Can’t stop laughing 😀
humans are hot
but aliens are hotter 😉
I’m glad you liked it… a little more than others did its seems. 😛
Awesome…thanks for the advice…haha 😛
I try. 🙂
I will tell them to destory sinners
Be careful… they might take a liberal interpretation of that and destroy nearly everyone. 🙂
since there’s no doubt that our initial contact will somehow turn violent, possibly due to rednecks claiming that the green man touched his sister, I’ve realized that we must call Jeff Goldblum to our worldly defense (….so he should be the first member to contact them too) http://forbettergenius.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/drgoldlum_or_how_i_learned_to_stop_worrying_and_love_the_invasion/
I just hope that he doesn’t turn into The Fly again… 😛
Yes! Fez would make the best ambassador to Earth ever! “I said good day!” 😀
I agree. He wouldn’t be afraid to defend Earth’s best interests. 🙂
Absolutely brilliant! Love it!
hahahahahaha (‾▿‾ )
🙂 Thank you.
I’m not really sure how to respond to this :’)…
great post 😉
Aw, your little robot is getting all choked up. 🙂
Way too funny. Made me laugh when I needed it. 🙂
Thanks. I’m glad I could make your day better. 😛
Hahaha, this is hilarious. I would be offended if the aliens DO know who Rihanna is.
Nice. I think I would be a little upset too. 😛
Supernatural u are! This is quite creative with full-swing imagination on the go
Thanks. I try my best. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Nice! Although, I’ll never look at the aliens on our street in the same way ever again………
Ha! I’d like to visit your street. It sounds interesting. 🙂
this was pretty funny. I like it. 🙂
Thanks. I appreciate it. 😛
I will introduce my self politely hehe…
Please do. We’re all bristling with anticipation for love and sex advice. 😛
fun read! i love the illustrations too. i’ll keep your suggestions in mind.
Thank you! I appreciate it. 😛
Hello? Is this thing on? 😉
Soooo funny and Soooo well written! The pictures are great, thanks for being selective about what you showed pictures of….Yuck!
Thank you. I try to keep everything PG-13. Some people can really get up in arms about some stuff. 🙂
Very Very Funny 🙂 :))
Thank you. I thought so too. 😉
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You have made a very convincing arguement and I will remember your tips. Thank you for sharing.
Remember, “stay alert, stay alive.” 🙂
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Okay… please do me a favor in future and leave at least some sort of comment before you shamelessly promote your own blog on mine. Right now, I have nothing to respond to so I’m just going to say a random series of words… blue, kitten, flower, disappointment.
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Loved it!! This is one of the best posts I’ve seen in a while. You made my day..
Now I’ll know what to do if i ever get into “that” situation. 😉
P.S I too am big supernatural fan.
Great! It’s good to know that I’m arming people with knowledge.
I love that show… it’s a guilty pleasure. 😉
Actually, following your advice might doom us all.
There is a Far Side cartoon where this guy grips an alien’s head and shakes it vigorously, dooming mankind (the head looks like a hand).
Great post, BTW!
Gary Larson was a childhood hero of mine. Well, I guess he still is now that I think about it more. I’m glad you liked the post. Don’t be a stranger. 🙂
I don’t give dern…who U are! Dat there… be funny!
Thank you. 🙂
I cannot begin to thank you enough for this sage advice. My only alien visit contingency plan was Led Zeppelin, some tie-dye tshirts that read “My Parental Unit Visited Earth and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt”, a quart jar of moonshine and a blunt. This was a great way to start a rainy Monday morning, so thanks for that, too, and congratulations on being FP!
Wow, looks like I can take a page out of your book. 😉 I’m glad I could make that Monday a little better. Cheers! 🙂
Great advice! Hoping they bring some crazy alien-microbrew with them. Chill aliens are good aliens.
I couldn’t agree more. 🙂
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Thank you! I just mentioned you in my latest post. I wish I could have given you the 7 x 7, but Peas and Cougars beat me to it. Oh well, you’re still awesome in my book! 🙂
I don’t know.. don’t sammy hagar and anne heche both claim to have been abducted by aliens? I have a feeling you might be too cool for them.
I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t pass a chance to hang out with celebrities. At the very least, I could make fun of them. They’re probably not used to that. 😛
“Then I’ll ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay my eggs in your che