Things You Don’t Expect
I made dinner the other night. I actually pride myself on being a pretty good cook. I learned my trade at a fine establishment. You may have head of a little family themed restaurant called Hooters (TM). I had to stop working there because they wouldn’t take my calendar photo submissions any more.
Turns out, they don’t allow dudes in the calendar, no matter how sexy they are. Anyway, the wife and I were eating dinner when I was picking through my spinach and I noticed two beady eyes looking back at me from my leafy greens.
Puzzled, I uncovered this…
Later that night, after I had stopped my uncontrollable vomiting, I wrote a not-so-nice letter to a major vegetable producing corporation.
This whole event got me thinking. It was pretty bad that I had nearly eaten (near as I could tell) the carcass of a boll weevil. It could have been a lot worse though. I sat down and came up some worst-case scenarios for other products. Here’s the top five with illustrations for your comedic enjoyment…
#5. Eye drop medication replaced with pepper spray.
#4. Cactus filled with scorpion eggs.
#3. Toothpaste replaced with caulk
#2. Fire extinguisher filled with kerosene
#1. Over-the-counter sinus medication replaced with powerful hallucinogens.
Considering the possibilities, I’m glad that I only had a large insect in my food. I almost feel good enough about it to not pursue this in court… almost.
My only problem with #1 is that hallucinogen might not be a bad thing when having a cold. I relate having a sinus infection with the plague.
Hmm. Good point although, if you entered your hallucination in a bad mood it might not end well. 😦